it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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