I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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