i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
