You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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