I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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