No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
