You just made me feel so damn special
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
