Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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