Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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