I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
