Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
