i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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