a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
