i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
