is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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