dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
