I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
