kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
