he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it hurts more in the daytime
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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