you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
