my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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