I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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