End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
