He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
