Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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