Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize