she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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