I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
