watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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