Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
