i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
