I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize