I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
