I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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