my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
