You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
