He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
