The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
