They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There r osticjed everywhere
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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