For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
