I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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