A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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