he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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