If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
