saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
