i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
