Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
