It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
