lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
