Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is Oprah even human
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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