Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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