don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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