OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize