I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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