I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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