apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
