well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
