After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
