My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize