If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
