I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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