rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
