DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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