yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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