im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
