i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
