there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
