lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fuck appropriateness.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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