you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
