that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
