I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
