Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
