Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
