the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
